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So we talked and decided to make it serious and delete our profiles in front of each other. So all was great, no problems, fights or other issues.
Again, why start and waste 2 months of my life? The last guy, was actually the first one i have liked instantly. I wasn't expecting that, but i really liked him the moment i met him. He seemed interested too. He complained to me about online dating from male point of view, how most of the women he met are boring. He is highly educated and is very picky about intelligence of women he dates, and he said he was amazed by me, because he felt it was so easy to talk to me right away, i'm smart and attractive.
He was asking me out every days which was unusual and it told me he is really into me. He was also very nice to me and we could talk forever. He has to wake up early for work, but we were still talking and making out till late when we saw each other. After 3 weeks, i had crazy feelings for him, and he seemed to have too. He canceled one of the dates for seemingly legit reason. I was cool about it, and told him that its ok, and we can see each other some other time. After that, he became very distant. Disappeared for a few days, then messaged again apologizing telling me about the problems he had.
Then he would just randomly message me every few days, but never offered to go out again. And eventually just stopped messaging me. I think men and women gave different problems with online dating, but we ha e it equally hard. Guys don't get responses, women find players.
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I completely agree with what a lot of men are saying. I was married 30 years only to be violently attacked by an alcoholic wife. I set myself out there and the women just play games. They say stupid things and just look for attention. I'm seriously disappointed in what appears to be the feminist movement in this country.
They try to use their sexual prowess instead of their intelligence, which most are seriously lacking, and again, play games. They are not serious and don't care about a good relationship. I'm sure it's true there are a lot of men jerks but we are all stereotyped that way. Please be ladies OK? Have some respect for the opposite sex and if you're not serious just stay the heck away all right?
There are good men like me out there. And you ladies that look so good in your photographs are just absolutely narcissistic and hideous with the way you speak to us. Please get over yourselves and take your meaningless time wasting profiles down and go gaggle in the mirror at yourself. It's really too bad. I have been giving this a good shot for months and actually have made a few good friends but have run into so many Queen bees that I am ready to give up.
It is really is a waste of money and time. Every review that I read about online dating is a bad one. The whole industry is sickening; praying on the people that yearn to love and be happy only to let them down. In one state in Australia where I live I've found it even more difficult to meet a good, down-to-earth woman online. I don't put women on pedestal, had my fair share of relatioships but I"m also shy and busy so i'd really like to see some online dating work.
I'm in no rush, but why can't I just find a healthy smart woman who is NOT self-obsessed, for some good online conversation?? At least most guys get some kind of comment.
I was on four different popular sites in the last few years I got only a wink or very short text and just one. Met only one woman at a car show for two hours then she got a call and had to get going.
I'm real shy too but I feel I sent out some really good icebreaker messages, I put a lot of thought into them, to always sound upbeat and funny. But never got any comment, not even a thanks but no thanks, seems like they don't even get them, but the scammers sure answer quick with a too good to be true letter and great pictures. I was married for fourteen years and divorced for eleven. Was her idea for the split, shes remarried a few years I can't even get a date yet.
Think she put a curse on me lol. Can't believe so many people jump in bed on the first date, both sexes. It's that kind of life style that hurts so many people,that nobody trust anybody anymore and I can't say that I blame them. Which I've never done before, maybe this will work, who ever reads this might know of somebody through the grape vine. I know there's good ones out there I just read some of there letters here. There's too many bad ones out there in the way of us good one's. I Know this is a little off the wall but I'll give it a shot.
If there's any good one's out there please I'd love to meet you. I'm trying something different, by, bypassing all the dating services. Because, really from the comments I've read about all these dating sites. There's a lot of unhappy people out there, wish they'd quit playing games and say what they really think, that's what I try to do. The same pigs have shown up on all of the dating apps I have used. I originally started with plenty of fish, where I met two very good long-term friends, but no romantic chemistry. The majority of the other users were soliciting inappropriate photos and sending them as well.
A few mentally unstable messages followed rejections. There are just as many people looking for hook ups on match. Disappointing as to what society has become. I don't agree entirely with this article.. I use dating sites and am smart using them, as a result I don't get harassed. If the woman is smart and secure of herself instead of making it easy for the man it would make dating for a female easier.
A lot of women are Insecure of themselves and a man can sense that, if I get a sexualized message instead of being afraid I just message back and say"you're disgusting best of luck. Just saying an insecure woman who acts fearful is more bound to be harassed on these sites. I've also met and dated plenty of men from free dating sites that are seeking a commitment, don't assume ALL men only want a hookup that's not at all true.
More so want Casual stuff but if you spend enough time online you'll meet decent men that want a relationship. I had 2 boyfriends come from OkCupid, there are good ones online too. Don't make yourself vulnerable and easy for the men! Nail very much hit on the head. Online dating for girls that are decent and offline for that matter requires work and a combination of common sense, good judgement and patience.
Same thing for decent guys going online - it requires work and there are guides out there that go a bit further than the generic "read her profile" advice given here if guys looked hard enough for them and that easily help them stand out. I think the problem is these days people are more desperate than ever for a quick fix and dismiss new ideas if they don't see sparks flying first go. I saw similar things in college where most my friends got brutally negative, generic and uninformed advice particularly if parents had no clue about their field if they hadn't gotten a job within 1 week of graduation.
You cant seriously sitt there and say honestly that women have dating harder than men. I mean seriously, is that honestly what you think? You watch as your sanity melts away from the slow burning tourture of loanliness, you would go mad, anyone would. It amazes me how selfish women are, it really does, id love to give you all my pain just for one day sso you would understand the utter hopless misery that men have to face!
I hate this life i just want to die. I just cant beleive any woman would sit there and say she has it harder than men. You have no idea what decades of blanket rejections and loanliness would do to you, it would kill you, its true hell. Yeah obviously easier for women. Men have to work hard even to get validation from girls while women have men blowing up their phones boosting their ego by chasing them.
Guys be happy with even unwanted attention from opposite sex. Women can't make up their minds because of all their o ptions. While men don't have nearly the same amount of options or experience. They can get attention and sex easily while guy gets neither easily cuz he has to compete for it.
Competing, chasing and getting rejected can be so discouraging that you question if it's worth it if girls are so narcissistic and dismissive to guys' advances. Women never deal with rejection the way guys do. They never put themselves in that position and so they are constantly avoiding rejection and receiving positive attention from guys chasing them. Why sex so "creepy?
Means guy attracted to you. Take it as a compliment. Why society berate the guy for being a man?! You put up a pic, put little work into your profile, and yet expect so much from the guys who contact you? You even admit you receive nice messages, but refuse to even acknowledge such guys?
Not even a simple thank you back? What does that say about you?? Congrats on the ego stroke, but I'm not taking the bait. Lot of guys of looking for someone to actually date, and you aren't that person. Your advice simply does not apply. Lots of good n bad on it. As soon as i read your name i knew you were an Aussie, i agree with your sentiments regarding dating sites, they're about as barren as some pubs are these days I was recently scammed on Match.
There have been class action suits against Match for portraying themselves with 15 million users when only a million are paid subscribers and the rest contain a lot of scam artists looking to relieve you of your cash. The whole site is a scam in the sense they want to auto renew your subscription which is hard to stop once you sign up. I wonder if any of the people on the site are real at all! It is and some are, had a bunch of dates on there before I met my girlfriend who we now live together and have a beautiful baby boy with Where as in the real world it is harder for men to key in on victims.
You just have to be more careful use an extra screening process and not take things so personal knowing it is a numbes game and nothing that is exceptional should be expected or necessarily easy to obtain Just like life if you want something special sometimes it takes hard work! I think I'm being scammed. I put a report with the fbi a month ago. I'm waiting for them to respond. I'm keeping him on the hook until I hear from the agency. So they can take over and catch him. I've been asked for money. His company name I have researched. It's a generic website and the addresses I looked up for his offices show no record of his company ever being there.
Lease records and such. He has an Enflick voip number, but his last picture looks like a location of what he's stated. I can't find evidence his pictures are reposts of someone else. How do I proceed safely until the authorities arrive? I am a good looking guy not a model will not say that not arrogant but 5'10 and pounds.
Last time l was online dating was about 10 years ago meet my ex wife and the mom of our daughter through lavalife. This time I find pof a total waste of time I am a gold member but our of couple of dozens ladies I contacted 1 only replied back and she told me you are a really nice man and wish you best of luck but just started to date a man.
I am only 40, leave in greater Vancouver, bc have a good job and rent a 2 bedroom place on my own plus drive a suv. It seems maybe wrong that the idiot men have flooded the ladies to Mt he point they tune out even great men or that many sadly l suspect accounts on pof now are fake. Either way l am at the point of giving up and l am sure l was not the first or last normal nice man to reach this point due to no ladies replying back at all.
Dont give up fella, just work harder and lower expectations of how quickly results should come I've been doing online dating for only a few months seriously. Anyway, what I am seeing is a growing disconnect and a lot of people getting disgruntled. I have to admit I was too in the beginning. I think it is because one develops expectations based on statistics instead of reality.
I thought, at first, "wow, so many women to see who I really am"! Statistically speaking, I should get a few responses. So I start examining the numbers game and thought I could play a little with it. I want to be strategic about this, right? I try to throw in a little humor if I can, but my first message, if there is something in her profile, ALWAYS contains at least one if not a few references to hers.
I write in complete sentences and try to seek ways to spark a conversation. I make no lewd comments whatsoever. I don't even reference anything about looks except once and that was a weak moment on my part since she her picture affected me that way, plus it was an experiment to see if venturing there yielded anything different. I also try to not be unrealistic as far as types of women I try to engage.
I am 52, 6' 2", a little under lbs, no paunch, somewhat athletic and active, and I feel I am decent looking but have no idea how to quantify that. After reading about how to write a profile, I feel I've written a strategically thorough yet somewhat concise one. I will say that overall, I am an eclectic type that's hard to describe very thoroughly: I am personally open to a wide variety of situations, but I feel most women want some kind of commitment.
I don't game because I haven't dated in almost thirty years. I had been married for about 27 years and now divorced for a year. So I am not even sure what this "game" they keep talking about really is, although I have an idea. Whatever it is, I would certainly abide by the wishes and expectations of whomever I want to see and date. What are you doing?
If I try to go deeper at all, they either disappear or keep repeating themselves probably catfishers since other things about their profiles make their seeking me unrealistic.
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Then, I have had a couple go a few sentences longer, but almost all have ended. Unfortunately, one had a legitimate mental disorder from traumatic brain injury. I tried to make this one work, but we just could never connect. One other one is so far away, I am still seeing where it goes.
But so far, at best we'll be friends and no dates unless I travel over miles to another country. I've sent dozens of messages not hundreds yet , along with "winks" do these even work? I am paid on POF so I can see where a ton aren't read. A few read, some read then deleted and some deleted outright. I respect the deleted ones, so I don't even bother. A few of those were probably out of my league anyway I was too old, or they were way more active or maybe interests didn't match. I had hoped that I would have gotten a little more response out of the others, especially ones who were mutual "meet me" that POF has.
But even that didn't garner a response. So then I don't know if sending more messages is expected, tacky, pestering, or what. I feel like I need to based on what some women seem to be saying because mine are probably getting lost in the shuffle and I need to work at keeping myself visible. So, in my disappointment, I have been researching what is really going on. I've found many posts like this about what women "deal with".
And I find it interesting how they have the opposite challenge most of the time. And I was honestly surprised at how jaded they get, but I don't blame them because of all these goofball, creepy, lewd, stalker responses they get. Now I see a dilemma. The nice guys, of which I consider myself right at the center of not so nice that I would be boring, but definitely nice enough to be respectful of a woman and her boundaries and that no means no , can't get responses let alone dates. The nice women seem to get nothing but tons of messages to try to wade through. Who knows where all the drain and noise is coming from, though we know the sources such as scammers, desperate loser types, stalkers, catfishers, etc.
And there doesn't seem to be too much that can be done about limiting that. However, if we are aware of it, we can do things to try to counter it. It also seems that we need to become more strategic and not so bitter about how to approach all of this. I see where a bridge needs to be built here somehow. Maybe the nice guys need to be recognized more somehow by getting in kind responses from women. If you get a nice initial message, at least say no thank you and even a brief idea of how good the message was. Us guys get no clue whether we are sending out the right message or not.
It would even be nice to get some kind of rating system going like eBay or something. This weird limbo of never knowing if it was the message, the profile, the pictures or if who we messaged is overwhelmed is really tough to deal with. It would also be nice to have women realize that if they are getting decent if not outright nice messages more than once from a guy, that these guys are just trying to stay on top of the crap that that woman is otherwise getting; that they aren't stalking or pestering, they are just wondering if they are getting heard at all.
I don't know what to do about the jerks. I think a lower percentage of guys that are like this are out there. But for some reason these idiots are taking up all of the dating bandwidth. And about the only thing I can see nice guys who really want this to work bringing to the table is to just not get bitter and disappointed. I don't know, it is really hard to see how to break this cycle that is destroying online dating for the majority of us. It would be helpful to know that possibly a new kind etiquette be understood by women that repeat messages that are nice should be acceptable and that we men kindly engage them with these; that we get a chance to overcome the idiots by countering them somehow.
Also, maybe people could work up some kind of meta-dating situation something like responding to websites about online dating or, as I said above, some kind of rating system? For me, online dating is about my only hope of meeting anyone. I am not religious nor do I drink, even coffee it puts me to sleep. I have food allergies and sensitivities. I work online from home. As a result, I don't go to any place of worship, I don't club or do bars, I can't eat at any restaurants, and I don't have a work environment with other people.
I actually have very few friends despite my best efforts. I keep running across so many people with involved lives of which I am just not a part including my family. So, online is the only place I can even think about meeting people. I go for walks in the park, to the library, and around downtown. What also challenges me is that I am fairly introverted.
On top of all this being much older, I have not the foggiest idea on how to hit up a conversation with a woman I've never met before. I didn't when I was twenty I met my former wife through very unusual circumstances involving an acquaintance and what little dating I did then I did all though people I knew. How am I going to do it at over fifty and not seem weird? Another approach I am trying is to get involved with community events and groups. But once again, very few, if any women attend what I tend to go to, let alone any who are in my age group and meet other modest criteria, none having to do with "looks".
For instance, I go to a drum circle the only one within 30 miles of me. Of available women who show up a few unavailable do , it is pretty much just one in her 80s along with over twenty guys. Women tend to do things like Zumba, dance, yoga or other exercise classes where if I showed up, it would be creepy since it will be assumed I am there for only one reason. I would love it if I would be accepted as a drummer for belly or tribal dance, but alas, the same creep factor seems to be at play.
Well, I could probably say more, but I hope to start a conversation about what can really be done about this issue and not just complaining about it. I would really like to overcome the disconnect with what is happening between guys and gals and to renew proper expectations. Otherwise, it will become one of the biggest fails of our technological communications age.
David, what an extremely sensitive and impressive person you are, they are very pwrceptive observations would have been nice to write you up as a friend Do you ever submit correspondence on quora..? Upload your photo's and fill your profile. Look for the bad ones and write a blog post. Start looking for men. Initiate the conversation with the man, and let him rate you as you like to rate men.
Not all guys are bad, but not all women are either, and for every man out there sending women messages that women don't want there is a woman out there who thinks she is worth more then men so she doesn't have to give what she takes. You've been telling men they are doing it wrong for centuries. How about you step up to the plate then? I am trying once again with the online dating. I read the response of the recently divorced 62 year old man in Vancouver. If you haven't been on a date in 27 years, don't be too disappointed if you can't get one right away.
As you said, you and your recent ex were introduced. Probably you had mutual acquaintances and got the opportunity to know one another over time. The only relationships I ever had started this way. Through friends, meeting at a party, seeing the person regularly in my community. If you don't drink, you can still no to a bar. There are loads of places where people socialize, listen to music, dance. Have a club soda if you don't drink alcohol. I try to read the on line profiles of the men who send me messages.
I am never married with no kids. A recently separated man is not for me. He is not actually single. I dated a man who claimed to have been divorced for many years. He is very involved with his ex wife mother of his adult son as she had an accident and is helping to take care of her. The son 30 years old is a good kid but has a miriad of personal and health problems.
He also had a large extended family he spends a lot of time with. This is great, but I was wondering where I fit in. Apparently he is looking for a lover and was VERY forward practically dove on me on our first date. I am a slow starter and do not appreciate this type of thing. On line dating is not so easy for the over 50 set.
Also, since I am not divorced, I usually ask the men why they are divorced. Most do not want to talk about it, so that is a non starter for me. If the person cannot express to me why their marriage did not work out, their are probably a lot of thing they will not be able to express to me. Just hang in there. Consider yourself lucky for having had a long marriage. If their is a particular reason why your marriage ended, reflect on it honestly so you can communicate it to a new woman who comes into your life.
She will probably ask about it. In the meantime, don't think about all the limitations you express about all the reasons you cannot "go out". You say you go to the park. Ask a woman to meet you there. You don't have to drink coffee. Just buy one for her. Can you go to a museum? If you get to know her better and you like each other, you can cook a meal for her. Take her to a concert, go to a play. There are loads of graduate schools that put on excellent performances of all kinds that are very reasonably priced or free. How in the world do you expect to meet a woman if you do not move away from your computer screen?
If you do not step out from. I paid for an eHarmony subscription for a year because I heard such positive reviews about their matchmaking algorithm, but found that many of the guys also had profiles on POF so I didn't see the point in paying anymore. EHarmony was great in that you could only connect with someone with whom you were deemed compatible, but new matches were sent infrequently. POF allows anyone to contact anyone so it is easy to be bombarded with unwanted messages from incompatible suitors, but it's free. My biggest complaint about online dating is the deplorable lack of manners and grammar.
I don't believe I have ever received a message containing even one punctuation mark in the two years I've been a member on POF, and the messages can be outright lewd! I've also been the target of a determined fellow more than once, so it really comforted me to read this author experienced the same. I do not engage with users who are disrespectful, have clearly not read my profile, or lack even a basic understanding of spelling and grammar, and I typically delete these unwanted messages. If you're reading this, guys, please take the author's advice and actually read our profiles before you randomly solicit us for sex, and for heaven's sake use complete sentences!
I look for men who DONT want children I have them already, and finding someone who is happy to date a single mum Even if getting attention IS easy, does it mean the man is necessarily right for me? I read the profiles carefully. And if they read mine carefully, they might discover that I am really not right for them. I get attention from men all the time. And I speak to men all the time.
Finding a special person is not easy for a man or a woman. Speaking from personal experience, a man who has poor hygiene and no employment or income is not the man for me. He doesn't have to be rich. I will not date a man who asks me to borrow money or cannot pay for a cup of coffee. If he cannot bother to take care of his teeth, shave or put on a clean shirt, what makes him think I would want to get physically close to him? This is pretty basic stuff.
The truth is, it is not easy for a man or a a woman to find a good partner. Do you know what you are looking for? If it is just "attention", that is easy to find. If is is a long lasting relationship with a suitable partner, that is not so easy for a man or a woman to find. Get over the idea that you do not get enough "attention". Personally, I am very allergic to animals. I live in a city and would not date a man with animals.
It makes me uncomfortable as I physically cannot tolerate them. I would never ask the man to give up his pet, so when I see a man is an animal lover, I don't respond. It is not that I do not like animals, I just cannot breathe around them. I had one boyfriend with a dog who kept the animal very clean, his home was spotless he had a professional housekeeper and dog groomer.
He also did not allow the dog to lie on the furniture or the bed and was very sensitive to the fact that some people are allergic to animals. I was able to date that man. It is really the exception, however. Other men I know with pets like to lounge with them, sleep with them, have them hang out everywhere. That's absolutely great, but it does not match up with me. So I do not reply. Think about all the reasons a woman might not reply. Do you live miles away? Are you spending all your time and money on your children from your previous marriage?
Nothing wrong with being a responsible parent, but where does that leave the single woman with no kids you want to date? If she is also divorced with school aged kids, maybe it's a possible match.
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Women do not "have it easy". And neither do the men. As a man who has NEVER had a date from the 3 main sites I have used, I can categorically say that; even if you read a profile, send a nice message and be pretty much, charming Us "men" get ignored or blocked. I have been blocked many times for just being interested about a lady's profile.
I don't say anything sexual and I am always polite. They want someone to chat to and, when they get bored, there's always more men to choose from. Women will get around messages every few days. They may be crappy messages but it's still a message. All I see woman say on profiles is how men pester them with sexual comments and, if they are not sexual, all they say is; "hi".
As a man who has NEVER had a date from the 3 main sites I have used, I can catagorically say that; even if you read a profile, send a nice message and be pretty much, charming I am a woman and just gave up on POF and Eharmony because I did not receive 1 message in the whole 6 months I paid to be on both sites.
Not lewd, poorly written or otherwise. So I don't' see how it is harder for a man who can message anyone he likes, than it is to sit and wait and get nothing. Even "unattractive" men get more attention than that. But if you are an average or worse looking female, you might as well not even sign up. You would be lucky to get get a reply. And as far as average women, let me tell you I'm not one to judge but I know women who by most standards would be considered below average. She has showed me.
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And secondly it's hard not to get a bit of any ego or get pick when you feel you have the power of choice. Lastly unattractive men do not get a response period. It's available on both desktop and through its app. It's not recommended for users looking to date casually. Best for super picky people. Elite Singles Free version: Yes Three months of paid: Picky people looking for something super specific in a partner.
And guys, this is not the place for the younger millennials: Rather than being thrown into an endless pool of profiles, EliteSingles lets you pick out exactly what you're looking for. You'll be given a limited number of matches curated for you using 29 extremely detailed, professional-level algorithms based on the popular Five Factor Personality Test. They'll even show you your own results in comparison to those of potential matches to see how you stack up.
Like eharmony , the stuff to fill out is pretty lengthy — but that's what you want if you're looking for a lasting relationship, and this helps ensure that you aren't swiping through tons of people that aren't your type. Slow and steady wins the race, right? What you need to know: Separate pools based on location, religion, ethnicity, age, and sexual orientation. You can even break it down by profession if — for example, if you are or were a teacher, you might only want to date someone who was also a teacher. All profiles are verified manually with an upscale Fraud Detection System.
As you could have expected from the fancy-sounding name, EliteSingles is the most expensive of the bunch but we say worth it. Sign up here and read our full review here. Free, with upgrades See Details. On OkCupid , users can offer a ton of information about themselves through the site's Match Questions.
Per OkCupid's own stats, liberal women in particular have luck on the site. And in , the site offered users the chance to answer 50 "current events" questions that illuminate a user's politics. People spend a lot of time on site just perusing the questions that other people answer, and I like that. OkCupid is free for the most part, but does offer some paid upgrades for features like increased search abilities, a "free automatic boost per day during prime time," or even the option to browse privately in "Incognito Mode.
Plenty of Fish POF is huge and affordable, but caters to an older, more conservative crowd than most dating sites. Free, with upgrades available See Details. The Berry is an entertaining app that brings an exciting range of things that attract the users who want something amazing for every single morning. It is probably one of the best sites in the world that brings the largest podium for providing amazing photos, epic fails, and much more. Apps Like The Berry. Imgur lets you explore the most awesome images on the internet.
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